After not hearing from Emma for a few days, she finally responded that she didn’t feel there was sufficient chemistry between us and she wished me luck for the future. We had had barely three dates in the course of eight months, so there was plenty we didn’t know about each other. She was also moving thousands of miles away and any continued courtship seemed unlikely. Realistically, the fact that she didn’t feel a spark should have been as good a reason as any to call things off.
Unfortunately, my heart didn’t agree.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that my imagination has a tendency to run away with itself, particularly when it comes to romance. I’m prone to “imaginary girlfriends” or proximity infatuations as mental exercises and daydreams. Too often I’ll create an image of a girl in my imagination that requires very little in the way of anecdotal support. These exercises are distractions and don’t survive much longer than the few moments I’m daydreaming.
When it comes to an actual relationship, I do a pretty decent job of checking my romantic brain at the door and actually discovering more about the real woman. I try not to assign any extra significance beyond what she provides and I try to let things evolve naturally. Most of the time, the results are similar to what Emma described and in the vast majority of cases, the lack of “spark” recognition is mutual. In this case, despite my best efforts, I felt myself imagining the future with Emma. I still tried to take things slow so as to avoid getting too far ahead of myself. In retrospect, my applying brakes to keep a slower pace may have resulted in my sapping the romantic “spark” from our interactions, leaving Emma with the impression of a platonic interest.
If it’s true that my actions created a false impression, does that change anything? Doesn’t the fact that I was able to feel something that Emma was not evidence that even the fledgling relationship was doomed to imbalance? Should I still strive for a relationship of (close to) even pacing and balance? The fact that we were platonically compatible would definitely be a positive sign in a romantic relationship, but being friends does not necessarily translate into being lovers. The last thing that I want is to fall in love with someone who does not love me in return.
It’s possible that this was just another temporary detour as I continue the search for…whatever I’m meant to find. It definitely felt different from the rest.
